It’s been my dream years and years ago, to visit some of the places where I was living in the past. Often, I mean almost every week I travel home by train. At the train station I keep seeing the railjet that goes to Wien, to Salzburg and München. It arrives and leaves the platform 15 only minutes before my train. As it stops, I keep glancing at it, the boards and the digital notice on the electric doors which displays: München Hbf. In a past life, between 1893-1937 I was living there almost for a whole lifetime. I always wondered, what would it be like to hop on that railjet and take off.
Would I feel happy about getting there? Again? In a new body – under a new name? Would I find the streets familiar? What would it be like treading the same streets with my ‘new’ feet? Would I be able to find my old home? And, how would I feel about it, if I did? May the old houses still stand or have they been perished in the war? Or maybe the areas were rebuilt differently? Is it possible that somebody from my family still lives around there? So many questions…
Normally I have no time for random travelling, nor enough spared money. But, since a few months I have a new job with a tiny bit bigger salary. In January I thought I deserve a travel for fun and this year I WILL go to Munich to check the place.
I would be the happiest to go there with Nicholaus, perhaps. Walking around the places we’ve once visited while we were so deep in love would be wonderful. But, despite of how I hoped he’s still asleep, far from true wakening. Sad sigh comes here… Anyway, I won’t throw away the idea because of him, I thought.
I offered it to my mom that she could come with me – she was my daughter there. She was interested – or maybe just polite – at the beginning. Later she started backing, saying she doesn’t like traveling. True, she’s not a tourist person, she prefers to stay home in peace. That’s more relaxing for her than visiting a bunch of foreign places. Well, I can perfectly understand her point.
Then I offered the chance to my dad. He was my first son in that incarnation and we did not have a cloudless relationship – also not even in our present life. He said yes, and I can say he’s quite excited about the journey. I told him, I know I wasn’t a good mother for him, so let me make it up a bit, and we can make this trip together. He agreed. Then this was settled.
The plans are quite complete, hotels booked, tickets bought, shoes at the ready. Our past home is located with a fairly good accuracy. I am thrilled and also a bit scared to see it again – to be there again. I also want to take a walk at a few places where I was promenading a lot with Nicholaus and my sons: the Hofgarten, the Englischer Garten, and the city centre, near the Justizpalast – my dad had his house around that area. Maybe we can check one of the cemeteries too. Pity I can’t remember our family name, not yet.
I’ll take candles for meditation and maybe I’ll leave a few flowers or candles at our ex-home. I’ll see…