Hi, I feel it’s time for a few new posts! 😛
In the last years I was so lucky and found helpers for my Protector Project. Some of my helpers did proofreading, others created fancy visual models. I thought about giving them some lovely souvenir – and to create a tableau, a kind of hall of fame (I still need a few pics for that). These are the privileged t-shirts, I specially ordered and wrapped up these for them!
All of the shirts contain my blessing and the protective power of the symbol. 🙂
Hi there folks, I just came to type down the actual status info. So, looks like I found a new workplace (I’m through three job interviews). But most importantly, finally I decided to move professionally towards greener life, something I have in my mind since decades. Soon I start my study at Lund University about sustainable cities, for a start. And, I am now officially a volunteer at Jön Foundation (they are committed to eco-conscious and sustainable solutions with various activities), and I joined the Green Apes community as annamarf. Check them here, it’s quite a fun place:
This is just an update, as I haven’t written anything since a while. As usual I am very busy again, my mind is literally buzzing. The German and Hungarian versions of the Recovering Memories is on the way. Also I started to translate the manuscript to French and Japanese, but it will take a looooooot of time to accomplish these versions. In the same time I organize my summer, I mean, my going to a few festivals. I may be holding a workshop or something of the like, it’s still uncertain. I restarted making drawings, and paintings, because I feel like creating something, plus I make some promo stuff items (T-shirts and other) that can be bought and show off. In the meantime I discovered how easy it is to make ice creams from banana and peanut butter, and on the margin I am looking for a new job. Honestly, I am not too excited rather tired. But I do my best to keep my spirits up. 🙂
Hello, hello! I just created a cool Tableau story with sheets and dashboards, processing the data which was left out from the previous vizes. I added it to the Protector Project menu as well. Is it good enough, what you think? Take a look and judge it yourself! 🙂
It’s been my plan long ago to publish this essay which analyses the relationships and important characters in the Protector trilogy. I created a google site for it with two pages: Essay and Characters one by one, and I added multiple slides and some pics too.
My expectations? Oh. I had many: to identify the places, to see Nic and us there, to ask instructions. I know very well that places are changing as time goes by, new houses get erected, old ones get demolished or reconstructed. I was prepared not to find anything that’s familiar. I was wrong.
My strongest first dejá-vu feeling came when I faced this monumental building. Its name is Justiz Palast and it functions as a courthouse I believe. I certainly visited it in the old times, and not just once… My second powerful dejá-vu happened when we drove along the wide and long-long Leopoldstrasse. We hit the traffic jam, because it was 5 pm, but the street looked very familiar. The whole time I had the impression that I am not at a foreign place. It was curious, and also a happy sensation on a way.
We were able to find up our old home, the old house. The street was oddly familiar, even with some of the modern details here and there. The fence and the walls looked fairly renovated, and probably the people who dwell there take care of the inside of it as well. We found that at the back side the balcony still exists, just like the little veranda part at the bottom is still there. Although the house was painted probably numerous times, and the sitebuilding is made bigger, it still has the original characteristics.
On the collage:
up left: the house from the front (the garden and the trees disappeared, but a few houses away we saw similar tall pines like the ones we had)
bottom left: back of the house
middle: this is the place where Nic waited to see us the last time we met, almost facing the house
top right: the neighbouring street, we used to meet here with Nic while I was pregnant
bottom right: a forest like area near the house, today there is a sport complex behind it (for football trainings and other)
I show the most important places on a map:
Here are pictures from the inner city. I have been walking at these places countless times in the past, alone, with others or with Nicholaus.
On the collage:
top left: Hofgarten
bottom left: Frauenkirche church with the famous two towers – from Nic’s flat they were visible
bottom central: Hofgarten walkway
top right: Augustine Brau Restaurant
bottom right: Englischer Garten
My father’s city home (and office in one) was near the Königsplatz-Justizpalast area in an older, neoclassicist building which stands a huge chance of having been destroyed during the world war or later. Where my mother lived, I don’t know – my guess is she lived southern from the city in our family curia. At least the landscape around Rosenheim looked very familiar.
I was aware almost continuously to my upper-self connection to the other souls’ who shared my life experience there in the old times. The bond exists, unchanged, wherever they go, whatever they do… I believe, there is a constant contact between souls. Even between souls living in the same area, and even though they aren’t related or may be nursing dislike towards the other.
Thanks God, I am surrounded by kind, supportive people, who DID understand the importance of this trip. My mom, who was my daughter and my dad who was my first son. So it wasn’t only my journey, it was OURS. I was like a representative. As all who had been involved in my life back then, certainly some of them (and in the deepest inner all of them) might be aware that something amazing was going on right then – while I was there, recalling our common stories.
There was something strange about Nic before and during this journey. I caught him trying to communicate a few days before, and in meditation I saw him crying (well, we have the means to communicate through our old selves, but I don’t want to go into this now). He expressed his wish to come with me, and I agreed. Every evening when we were back in the hotel I lit a candle and meditated (anyway, I do it every day). The communication between his old self and my old self remained almost unbroken while we were in the city, and I perceived a particularly powerful presence when walking in the Hofgarten. It felt like holding hands… Certainly that happened many times in the past there. All in all the journey helped both of us, so I feel. When Satuday morning I sat on the railjet to travel to Austria I saw him in front of my inner eye, and Nic was smiling. This is just great! 🙂
Was I able to see past events? Did I find some revelations? Or synchronicity? Yes I was able to. It was quite curious to witness how issues of the past and issues of the presence meet. It was like time travel. Honesty, I see some videos on the net, saying people are coming to us from the future. If I should comment it, I’d wrote: BS. For time travel you don’t need kitschy equipment. Any real yogi would tell you that.
How to go on?
I gratefully thank the opportunity of traveling to my once-home. I am grateful it could touch my heart, I know this is a privilege. I will continue following my heart. That’s all. I will continue healing and helping others to heal. Now on a higher level… This IS positive ending. I successfully created a better memory-ending: now I have better last memories of that city. And looking at the places I can confirm one thing: for the long run only love remains. Everything else goes by…
It’s been my dream years and years ago, to visit some of the places where I was living in the past. Often, I mean almost every week I travel home by train. At the train station I keep seeing the railjet that goes to Wien, to Salzburg and München. It arrives and leaves the platform 15 only minutes before my train. As it stops, I keep glancing at it, the boards and the digital notice on the electric doors which displays: München Hbf. In a past life, between 1893-1937 I was living there almost for a whole lifetime. I always wondered, what would it be like to hop on that railjet and take off.
Would I feel happy about getting there? Again? In a new body – under a new name? Would I find the streets familiar? What would it be like treading the same streets with my ‘new’ feet? Would I be able to find my old home? And, how would I feel about it, if I did? May the old houses still stand or have they been perished in the war? Or maybe the areas were rebuilt differently? Is it possible that somebody from my family still lives around there? So many questions…
Normally I have no time for random travelling, nor enough spared money. But, since a few months I have a new job with a tiny bit bigger salary. In January I thought I deserve a travel for fun and this year I WILL go to Munich to check the place.
I would be the happiest to go there with Nicholaus, perhaps. Walking around the places we’ve once visited while we were so deep in love would be wonderful. But, despite of how I hoped he’s still asleep, far from true wakening. Sad sigh comes here… Anyway, I won’t throw away the idea because of him, I thought.
I offered it to my mom that she could come with me – she was my daughter there. She was interested – or maybe just polite – at the beginning. Later she started backing, saying she doesn’t like traveling. True, she’s not a tourist person, she prefers to stay home in peace. That’s more relaxing for her than visiting a bunch of foreign places. Well, I can perfectly understand her point.
Then I offered the chance to my dad. He was my first son in that incarnation and we did not have a cloudless relationship – also not even in our present life. He said yes, and I can say he’s quite excited about the journey. I told him, I know I wasn’t a good mother for him, so let me make it up a bit, and we can make this trip together. He agreed. Then this was settled.
The plans are quite complete, hotels booked, tickets bought, shoes at the ready. Our past home is located with a fairly good accuracy. I am thrilled and also a bit scared to see it again – to be there again. I also want to take a walk at a few places where I was promenading a lot with Nicholaus and my sons: the Hofgarten, the Englischer Garten, and the city centre, near the Justizpalast – my dad had his house around that area. Maybe we can check one of the cemeteries too. Pity I can’t remember our family name, not yet.
I’ll take candles for meditation and maybe I’ll leave a few flowers or candles at our ex-home. I’ll see…