Leaving this world – what we leave here? What is lost?
Transience is one of the most painful, most incomprehensible, most mystical aspect of our reality. Why I say this? Well, in this year we’ve buried four very important people in my family. The void we feel is still unhealed.
Wise masters say that nothing in this material world lasts, nothing. Everything that gets born will die one day. Inevitably. Mercilessly. This way or the other. Change is the only constant thing we know. However, even though I am aware of these, it keeps causing me hardships to accept transcience. I must remind myself again and again: what we feel is our reality here, is no more than illusion, the play of our mundane minds, something that we will be leaving behind one day.
I think I should be grateful for the time we were allowed to spend together with my loved ones. For the days, for the months, for the years. Yes, it happened that we failed to do our best, but we loved each-other. And that’s what matters. I feel joy when I think at those who left me, because I was so lucky to know them.
If there is anything I learned from my past life memories, it is this: knowing we are souls is always a game changer. Then, suddenly we see ourselves endless, limitless and immortal. Just like all the other people, creatures around us are endless, limitless and immortal. Pieces and owners of the whole universe.
I wrote this poem in 1997 (26.05):
Under the air of
your real clear mind
I’ve found something
there deep deep down
precious chrystal stones
smell of fairies
and used-up things
colours of identity
a man of eternity.
Heaven exists, that’s the place we naturally belong. Here comes my favourite Buddhist picture about the taming of our lower natures (vital self, ego, mind):
Who is Nicholaus? One of the most significant characters in the Lisabeta episode. I am not sure about his family name, so I won’t write it down here.
I’ve collected a few photos of old Munich:
As a child I called him Niko, and as a grown-up he became Nic. Description of his family from the book:
“As I said I followed my dad to many of his friends, and so I made friendships with children like myself. He had many acquaintances and relations, some of them businessmen or bankers, even factory owners among them: top-notch friends as my mother put it scathingly. One of these occasions I met a nice blond-haired little boy, about two years younger than me. His name was Nicholaus; I just called him Niko. My dad was friends with his family and got together with them several times, so we had met fairly often. He had an older or younger sister I think.
Niko’s family was prince-ranked and financially equal with us. One of his cousins had a big classical baroque castle, his mother said immodestly. It was in custom in their family that the children had to take lessons from French and Italian, Latin and Greek from their age four. They insisted on giving him a ‘thorough academic education’ as they said.”
They had a manor, a bit bigger than ours. About Nic’s parents:
“Niko’s father was a tall square-shouldered man with shocking white-blond hair that on the first impression seemed silver. His mother was also blond, but her hair was sand-coloured. His father was a forbidding person, he liked to give orders with his booming voice, and his mother seemed somewhat subdued at his side. He used to talk very loudly like a thunder and had very firm and ancient-conservative opinion of all things. He highly appreciated the ‘noble, manly sport of hunting’. I never saw him smiling or being kind to anyone, and according to Niko his father really wasn’t a gentle spirit. He was very proud of his high office he had in the war when he was a stalk young fellow, at least so he used to say.
Of course, nobody dared to disapprove his war-stories or his boasting about how closely he knew the king. I knew exactly that my dad didn’t think too much of the king, though he was too polite to tell him so. When I saw this man with his son, I always had the impression that Niko was intimidated, and really, he hardly ever dared to talk back.”
We knew each-other from early on:
“When we were about three or four or five years old, we liked to play mum and dad, and one time Niko asked my hand. I said yes, of course. My dad laughed merrily with tears in his eyes, rolling in his comfortable armchair in the salon of their house, alongside with Niko’s mother and one of his uncles when I announced it, Niko nodding dead-seriously. When we left the salon, I said in disbelief,
‘What was so funny about that? Why are they laughing?!’
Niko observed concisely,
‘Because they’re stupid.’
It happened many times that we went to clamber around the fields near their house or were playing hide and seek or were just sitting on a swing. When the weather allowed we were killing time outdoors. One time we were planning some ‘expedition’ as he named it in the nearby fields and hills, Niko took it very seriously and drew maps.”
“Later, one of our favourite entertainments was playing king. Firstly there was a little difficulty as we both wanted to be kings, so in the end, we settled that we would be kings of neighbouring empires. He liked to filch his father’s silver Prussian helmet (with a big golden emblem on the front) for these occasions and plunged it on his head like an oversized crown. It was too big for him, so he stuffed a small and ragged sitting-pillow in the inside of it to make it stand more steadily on his blond head.
We liked to play with this helmet, though it was too big for both of us. One time he attempted to fill it with water down by the brook and other time tried to catch a frog with it (it was the next, advanced level after catching flies and bugs). The fun ended abruptly as one time we were caught using the silver helmet. His father was enraged to see us playing with his treasured relic he had from the war. He gave Niko a thundering rebuke and a hard punishment that he did sourly. I was sorry for him and felt slightly guilty, but I was also afraid of his dad, so I said nothing.
A few times Niko came to our house in exchange, one time with his mother who visited us, and other time he joined my dad and me when we were heading back home from their place. Sometimes there were other children with us, friends or cousins. My cousin, a taller boy with flyaway black hair, played with us one time; he was a little older than us. I was a captive, Niko tied my wrists seriously, and they executed me I think. Niko was a bit of a child-love and bit of a brother to me. I knew other children as well and had many friends, but Niko always had a solid place in my top ten.”
This was true: he had – he has – a solid place in my top ten.
Our relationship: how we met again
It was absolutely unexpected. One day he was walking towards us in his bright white suit. I give you more details from The Wider Context. Firstly, what is The Wider Context? This is an analysis in essay format, a kind of extract of the trilogy’s relationship links, and relation network. In this I describe the most important characters and their appearing here and there in certain episodes. Oh, and it’s not published. Maybe I will publish a part of it when the trilogy’s visualizations will be done. So, these are noted about meeting again with Nicholaus in the Lisabeta episode:
“Years later, when I was already married and had a small son we stumbled into each other by the side of a lake. The friendship was revived, and a correspondence sprang up between us and about a year or two later we ran across each other again.
Soon it was evident that there was something more between us. I have cheated on my husband a couple of times to humiliate him, but I never cared about any of those men. Nic was different; I did not want to besmirch his person with conjugal hatred. But there was no escaping and all in all we ended up as lovers.”
Our life together
A month or two later after our romance started I tried to break up. Not directly, I just didn’t go when he called, or I left his flat too early. Why? I didn’t like the idea of dragging him so deeply into this relationship – which seemed to have no future. But my attempt was not successful. After a nasty scene (he got very drunk and I had to carry him home, and guard him all night for he finally fell asleep), and a few days we made peace. He asked me not to torture him, he did not intend to split, whatever the others wanted.
I never loved anybody so much during that lifetime – and before since the Lydia episode in the eighteenth century. His features? He was never haughty or conceited. He was fairly reliable, but had a tendency for jealousy and doubts. He had a special interest for the newest technologies and had some artist friends – they were working on something together regularly.
We loved to promenade the nearby streets and parks, there were many (one not too far facing his house). Some months before I checked an old Munich map and I saw a name: Englischer Garten. I was browsing the photos and I am sure we had been walking around that place with Nic a few times.
Why the relationship started to go downhill
Nic wanted to solidify our relationship, but failed. On my father’s suggestion I sued for divorce – in around 1926. My husband was taken aback and he was unwilling to discuss the request. I was married off to a stranger when I was sixteen and the marriage was a real nightmare. Nic was very supportive at the start. He wished to make our relationship official – probably to sooth his parents and others, and himself, and because of our son. He wanted us to be a real family. I wished for the same.
But the negotiations stuck and my husband said no. It took more than a year, and the divorce decision was still pending. This was when our relationship began to get worse. Nic started to have doubts in me and in my intention. Where these doubts came from? Good question. From his fears, from he’s meeting my husband, from his family friends, from his parents. Many people tried to set us apart, true. Even though we loved each-other, we could not live in peace.
Well, one is happier, if one expects less… He wanted too much, and as things weren’t perfect, he could not put up with them. We could have lived together peacefully at another place. Why didn’t we move away from the mongering people? I can’t tell. I suggested it one or two times, but he was too short-tempered to listen. He was impatient and rather depressed on the end.
From The Wider Context:
“The fact that I was married caused many complications, however, with time I moved to him. We were living like a couple, and after a memorable journey through Europe, I fell pregnant. My husband kept me home during the pregnancy but after my second son, Tommi was born I moved to Nic. I sued for divorce, but my husband stood in the way. The lengthy, years-long separation procedure was nerve-trying. Later I learned that my husband met Nic one time and told him that he wouldn’t give his consent because he knows that in the depth of my heart I loved him. He succeeded to pour poison into our relationship.
We’ve been arguing much; the rows were horrible. In the end, Nic walked away. Soon I attempted a suicide taking an overdose of sleeping pills. My father found me and my life was saved. But I was unwilling to speak, so I was put into a sanatorium. My father took care of me, and although Nic ran to see me, it was too late. For years I couldn’t speak, I needed medical attention.”
In the years while I was so apathetic we did not communicate. When my father wanted to move me to our old family manor my husband showed up, claiming that it is his duty to look after me. My mother took his side as usual, and on the end my husband was allowed to carry me back to our common home. I did not fall in love with him, but I let him take care of me. I had no strength to argue, or to be rude. Some years later, when I was feeling better, we had a daughter (1931).
I met Nic only once before her birth, when we were in a café or pastry shop. I had to put on weight for the sake of the safe pregnancy, I was to eat a lot of cakes and snacks. I saw him and he noticed me too. He did not say anything as I was sitting by a table with my husband. I was awake that night, shocked. After my husband’s death in 1934 as I was organizing stuff in his study I found a collection of letters. As I checked them, I saw they were written by Nic to me.
According to my information, his parents tried to organize an engagement for him with a girl about six years after my attempted suicide. Nic said no. How he lived until we couldn’t meet? It might have been a very bad period for him…
“With Nicholaus, this was very different, and he might have resented me for not answering him, he was bearing a great amount of bitterness about the whole relationship. He did not know I still loved him… In my actual life, I am working much to mend this relationship; I do my best to forgive him. I try to leave the chance open in case he wakes up and wishes to work on these things.”
Why didn’t we come together after my husband died? I felt too weak to face him. He called me, and wished to visit us, but I always begged him not to do so. I couldn’t forgive him, it was still beyond me how he was capable to leave me and our son. I think he percieved this. On the other hand, I was very different, I changed a lot during the years. Also, my son thought my husband was his father. I wouldn’t have been able to upend his peace of mind.
Certainly, these sound like a bunch of excuses. Now I think it would have been wiser to let him come. We could have made peace, and maybe we could have really become a family as he always hoped. I’m sure he did not properly understand why I refused to see him at all. To explain my feelings from afterwards, I wrote him a posthumous answer, it’s in the Recovering Memories book. This was all I could do about it now, apart from forgiving him and myself.
Here is some contemporary music:
His past and our relationship
We had – have extended common history. I tell you what I know. In this drawing the episodes where we were spending significant time together are marked with purple. P means Past, and F means Future, so that S1 episode is the lifetime I have today, S78 is the oldest I could recall.
On our past from The Wider Context:
“As to Nicholaus, the first ever occasion I can recall meeting him was in ‘Slave Secretary’ episode (circa 3000 BC). He was a young boy who I tutored, helping him to learn reading and writing. In ‘Persian King’ (circa 1000 BC) he was my son, and as a child, he made a sport of torturing slaves and animals. In ‘Sybilla’ (circa 100 AC) he was my son again, though I had no means to bring him up as my life ended when he was about ten or twelve. … In ‘Marauder’ (circa 700) he was the priest I killed at a reckless raid in a mosque. In ‘Cordoba’ (circa 850) he was my son again, I guess. In the ‘Merchant’ (circa 1050) he was my second son. I died in a tent after that some pirates attacked our ship. As my son, he accompanied me on that particular journey, and as I was lying there in agony, I saw he was clueless how to go on. I was feeling guilty not preparing him to make an independent life.”
“… After this came the ‘Wingless Angels’ episode (circa 1190), the most extended one among the incarnation stories, though I lived no more than twenty years. Here many of the previously known characters encountered like in a junction. Anyhow, each incarnation is like a junction, a smaller or a giant one where souls meet and interact in multiple ways. …
My father was the same soul who was my rowdy son in ’Persian King’. Our relationship started to change positively in this episode, particularly after he was blinded. In my childhood, he didn’t pay much attention to me. Many years had to go by, and when I kept visiting him in the house-arrest place and told him the news diligently something has started. His gloom seemed to peter out, and in the end, we were quite like an ordinary son-father. As a child, I very much longed to hang out with him or chat with him. He was the great king who was living somewhere in the clouds, far from my little world.
Compared to the earlier times we knew each other from a new side. This time I admired him; while I took him as an idiot son of mine in ‘Persian King’. There I was quite ashamed of him, and I was angry with his things. He too, he saw me from a very new angle in ‘Wingless Angels’. He noticed my kinder, caring side. Earlier, in ‘Persian King’ he might have felt it was impossible to please me, it was impossible for him to be good enough. I was an unavailable, stern and hard person in his eyes.
After I had returned home from foreign lands, I saw him very differently. He seemed shaky and had some sickness. As a partner king, he was not at all satisfied with the way I was arranging things and criticised me behind my back. It was bad for me to hear this and I still longed to have a real father – in a few moments he could grow up to be one, but most of the times he failed. All with this, anything he was like, I loved him very much. For me, he remained to be the great king who is to be admired – and the only family member I trusted.”
“After the ‘Wingless Angels’ episode, it took a long time when we incarnated in lives where we met again, and when we did, I was already a woman.”
“In ‘Milenka’ (circa 1600) I was to live on my own. There I had a son, and I feel that the boy was identical with my father at ‘Wingless Angels’. We died on the same day when our house burned down. My drunken lover – his father – locked the house and set it on fire in a fit of rage. We had been buried in the same grave.”
After the Milenka story he was my son one more time, in the Why not wiser episode. There we did not have a dramatic end. My husband died when he was very young and I brought him up alone, later with my second husband. He had a younger sister. He was an intelligent boy and as he came of age, he joined to one of my mechant friends to learn about commerce. Later? The Like the Birds and the Bees episode came.
“…at the ‘Like the Birds and the Bees’ (circa 1750) the romance with my cousin sealed our fate. My cousin was identical with the soul who was my father in ‘Wingless Angels’. It was a very clear, innocent thing, a real child love, twinkling and sunny. It had a sorrowful ending, because our parents discovered us. We were punished badly. I was transported to live at a distant relation, and I died a little later.”
“In ‘Pickpocket’ (circa 1850) I was born to a very poor family, and after my mother had died, with my father and brothers we moved to a big city. There my father planned to make a living from thieving. Soon he ended up arrested, and I was cast into an orphanage.
I managed to sneak away and found my home at a boy who I knew fancied me. He was Edward, identical with my cousin in ‘Like the Birds and the Bees’. We were both very young and poor. He became my boyfriend, and as I had nowhere to go, I stayed at his rented place. I expected him to marry me, but he could not afford it, he said. For some reason, he backed out whenever this came up. Later he might have decided about this positively. It was not easy to make ends meet, but he could save money and with time things improved. We had a daughter, though I died shortly after her birth. I was no more than eighteen.
Then a few decades later we met in Germany, again as children (circa 1898). That was already in the ‘Lisabeta’ episode. As a small kid, he asked my hand. Apparently, a fleeting emotion might have remained in him about us having a relationship earlier. An imprint, a feeling, something. His name was Nicholaus.”
About his character from The Wider Context:
“As a child, he tended to be weedy and was often sick. As an adult, he could be stronger, especially if he was given a military education and regular exercise. I was his father at least four times, and I was his mother two times. I was his son only one time in ‘Wingless Angels’.”
“He had his own wits of managing things, and he was quick on the uptake. His weakest points were jealousy and suspicion. He had the tendency to be paranoid and easily believed bad things about his loved ones. Or about himself.”
Interestingly, there is a scene that repeats in the Wingless Angels and in the Lisabeta episodes:
At Lisabeta, it happened around the time when I tried to finish this relationship, at the start of our romance. One day, as I told him I can’t go to see him, he became very angry. He smashed down the phone. That night he got really drunk. I was worried about him, and I found him in a bar near his flat. I saw him home. It took some time to sooth him… He was lying on the couch in the coffee room, when I stood up to go and switch off the light at the entrance. He did not want me to go out, I was surprised. He was truly afraid I’d disappear. Similarly at Wingless Angels there was a scene when I had to dash out from his room to arrange something, and he was scared the same way. Both cases happened late in the evening, and in both cases we suffered from the tension surrounding us…
Even today I love him very much. Well, it may be needless to say this…
You know, how it goes: once you publish your book and peek in it, you start finding dozens of annoying errors, missing spaces, and wrongly chosen adjectives. This happened to me… The Lisabeta episode was the most problematic part. I made the necessary corrections and from this day the better version is active here! 🙂
I will make the same changes in the US version and it’ll be uploaded within days.
Sad, sad thing I have to say: the debut event meetups had to be postponed once again. Why? the visualizations has to wait a bit. In January – or maybe in February they will be presented along with the book. I want to make a very cool meetup event with as much interactivity as possible.
Interview with Annamaria Marta Furedi, Author of “Protector: Recovering Memories.”
Reading and Writing Addiction was able to catch up with Annamaria Marta Furedi, Author of “Protector: Recovering Memories.” We are excited to share this insightful interview today with our readers.
When did you first discover that you enjoy writing and wanted to become a published author?
Very early, as a child.
What is your favourite and the most challenging aspect of writing?
Generally I write, when I feel I have something to share, something I don’t want to keep inside. It’s a very challenging, but absolutely rewarding activity.
Tell us about your latest release. How did you come up with the title of your book.
Protector: Recovering Memories refers to the main essence of knowing so many past incarnations. Together they make an incredible great context and each lifetime gets its own special meaning and significance within the big picture. And I think this knowledge should be shared with the widest audience. The discoveries are not only my own, it’s not my privilege to own them. So I feel.
What do you hope readers are able to get from reading your story?
I use my past incarnation episodes as a sort of ‘case study’, to look at what reincarnation is, and how it works. We all have our own karmic issues and even if they are rather unique there are several common traits. The laws of the universe are the same for all of us. And I believe that we can learn a lot from each-other.
Who are some of your favourite authors?
I read a wide range of books, I don’t have favourite authors.
Do you have any advice for writers looking to get published?
Be patient, work diligently and never give up on your dream.
The book contains the description of two past incarnations, Almost and Lisabeta. I’d like to bring up the Lisabeta episode, it is one of the past lives you could recollect. As to your husband H, are you sorry about the way you behaved?
Yes. I felt ashamed, I think that comes out from between the lines. I am sorry about it. Our marriage was a very unfortunate one. The disaster was predictable at its very start. Simply, we weren’t a match.
About Nicholaus, who was your childhood friend and later your lover and partner, what you feel about him now?
I still feel a lot of love about him. I don’t think this will ever change. There is an interesting thing about him. His nation choice – he was my father at Wingless Angels, and he very disliked Germans. Then, some centuries later he was born to a militarist German family… The turns of life… The turns of karma… By my observation this kind of thing happens quite often.
It’s very touching to see that loved ones meet again and again, and they may feel the same, no matter how much time went by.
Absolutely. Time is not so important from the soul’s perspective.
Could you achieve some improvement? By meditation or other way?
Very good question. Yes, I did! I managed to turn the memories connected to him positive in the latest months. To achieve this I had to travel to Germany – and there I’ve heard something that helped me to heal it. It was a talk from a man named Gunagriha. He is a disciple of Sri Chimnoy who was a famous guru. So, he said that instead of mourning what was ruined and what went dead, we shall be happy that we were given time to be together, happy that we got moments to share. This caught me. I instantly knew: this will be it, this is the word I was looking for so long. Suddenly as I thought at Nic I was able to feel differently, I saw this relationship in a whole new light. I am able to feel thankful for the days when we could be together, when we could give and accept love to and from the other – no matter how the relationship ended. This is just wonderful! Since this Eureka moment I feel much better.
How his memory influences your private life?
It’s not easy to live with it. Anytime I had a relationship, or a possibility of it, I always felt that this is just not it… But I learned to shift it aside.
You keep making comparisons?
Sometimes, yes. I do my best to ignore this feeling, because I don’t want to be the victim of our common past. And as long as he can’t remember anything, I can’t do much. It takes two to solve this.
What would you say if you met him?
Hello, long time no see… Well, I don’t know. It depends how we meet again. It would depend on how much he knows. Also it would depend on the place, on the day, on the weather, on the actual magnetic field of the Earth, pff, and dozens of other things. I can’t tell, really. Hopefully it’d go well.
What happened before this Lisabeta episode?
I had a short life in England, in the nineteenth century. I lived in a rather miserable environment and I died after I gave birth to a girl. I was no more than 18-19.
Where in England? In London?
I don’t know, it was a big city. Maybe Birmingham or London, I can’t tell.
You know, this symbol looks close to Radiohead’s sign. At least this was my first impression! I really like them. It looks very like it. Weren’t you inspired by that?
No. Actually I’ve sent them some poems many years before, including this sign. It was back in the middle of the nineties, around 1997. They were drawn on small postcards, I decorated them with this sign.
Wow, they might have used it, then! What did you think when you saw theirs? You certainly noticed the resemblance!
Of course. From my part, it’s fine if they used it, and it’s fine if they didn’t. It’s okay. I use this ancient sign as a signature long ago because it sums up my goal of writing, presenting anything. In case they had been inspired by it, that’s great.We are in this world to inspire each-other.
Would you tell me more about the Byzantine prince? In the book you did not go into detail, you only mentioned him on the margin.
Exactly. I don’t think it is wise to go into details just now, and it may not be too important. Before presenting it I want to see how people receive posthumous memoirs in general. Also, it might not even be safe to publish it. I’ll see. Firstly I’d like to sell the movie script, more like.
New author interview at Reading and Writing Blog by DGT Book Promotions. The interview was tweeted and posted to Facebook as well. This time we talked about the two incarnation episodes, the Almost, and the Lisabeta. Here I had a chance to say more about the characters in them, and about other things, like my symbol owl.
An Interview With Annamaria Marta Furedi, Author Of Protector: Recovering Memories
Hello everyone! It’s a been since I introduced you to someone so here I am back with another interview of an amazing author Annamaria Marta Furedi. She has recently released her new book which is titled as Protector: Recovering Memories. Let’s get to know her & her book in a better way! – Basically, who is your protagonist?
I am the protagonist. Not as Annamaria but as a soul, coming back into this terrestrial plane in various new roles and forms. I had to live as a poor peasant and as a king, as a guardian and as a robber, as a merchant and as a slave, as a prostitute and as a soldier, as a mother and as a father innumerable times.
– You had male and female lives?
Yes, mostly male lives. I have female incarnations since about the fifteenth century. Before that I had male lives for thousands of years.
– You say you’ve collected more than seventy incarnation episodes. Are there more? Unwritten ones?
Absolutely. Many, I guess.
– Could you tell me how these memories emerged?
The first two incarnation stories had been revealed during the hypnosis seating. Then the story of the prince followed them a year or two later. But, these memories had been present all my life, only I didn’t know they belong to past incarnations! I mean, I wrote a lot of poems and looking at them afterwards I can pick parts that relate to certain past experiences. This might be the case with several writers, singers, movie makers, too. Old motifs keep surfacing, knowing or not.
– Tell me more about the Protector trilogy.
It is the collection of the past incarnations that I collected after a particularly upsetting regressive hypnosis session. They are my posthumous memoirs if you like. (smile) I sorted them into three volumes. The first covers the oldest incarnations, the second is one episode with plenty of details. The third contains the incarnations that followed the second volume’s episode up to my actual life.
– What is it like to live together with so many memories?
Strange. Honestly, part of me is grateful, or at least I learned to feel grateful. (laugh) Really, sometimes it is challenging. It happens that I miss the people and the places I knew… Losing the loved ones, I mean the knowledge you have lost them comes with the feeling of mourning, inevitably. Fortunately I have enough to-dos and I don’t have much time to dwell on such things. And I know we are tied anyway.
– Are you doing past life reading?
Sometimes, for friends or relations, yes. But only when I’m asked.
– How these memories influence your days?
Um, normally I don’t mind them as I have to focus on my daily work. But, they are always present in the back of my mind. It’s like having tons of plus life experience. Often they give me inspiration, or motivation.
– You have a kind of project connected to the book, right?
Yes. I am learning data science and I just had the idea that it would be great to visualize the connections I discovered. The project is about to summarize and analyze the stories of the trilogy, like a sort of case study. Fortunately, I have a few helpers and we apply data visualization technologies and interactive charts to display the results. A map and a graph is already available on my site, but there are many more on the way.
– We read that you have left your body during that liver transplantation operation. Would you tell us a few words about it? What your near death experience was like?
Yes, I had an out-of-body experience, you know, the classical NDE. I saw myself from above and later I saw the building and the nearby streets. It was deep night, and with the lights on the sight was quite beautiful. I don’t remember meeting God or any angels but I remember that all-pervading happiness and lightness. I never felt anything like it before.
– What are your goals now?
To sell the movie script and become a millionaire…. No, really, I’d like to work for the animals or for the people who need my help. Also, I’d like to progress with learning more about statistics and meditation, I’d like to go and visit my friends in Japan, and mostly, to repay my parents’ debt, and to build a shelter for unwanted turtles. I have a lot of plans, you see? There is a lot left to do. Living idly is not for me, I like to feel being useful, you know.
All with the careful proofreading I just noticed a few misspelled words, and inaccurate expressions. Here is the improved version of the interview:
Annamaria Marta Furedi used to be a normal girl until a recurring dream almost drove her insane. Every night, she dreamed about her lost brother who was living in another city and whom she or her family never met. One day, when things seemed to be on the verge of getting out of control, she decided to seek help with a psychotherapist through a regressive hypnosis session.
In this interview Annamaria answers questions about her journey, hypnosis, past life incarnations and the moral implications involved.
I’d like to ask, how do you see the past life regressive hypnosis and reading methods, which is so popular lately?
As to regressive hypnosis there are a couple of pros and cons. With all my experience, my personal opinion is that past life memories should come up naturally as part of the spiritual development. Of course, there are methods to ‘excavate’ them, but they barely do good. Some guru said that while you are walking the road towards God, towards enlightenment, you’ll see trees along the road. These trees bring various fruits. You can sit down and enjoy them, or you can leave them untouched and move on, it’s up to you. The ability to remember the so-called past life memories is one of the fruits. When you have reached a certain high level of consciousness, they return to you automatically. And for that time you will be armed with the necessary knowledge and experience to use them, to understand them and to value their impact. If you have these memories earlier than you are mature, they can cause trouble and confusion. It’s like on your first day in kindergarten you would claim your PhD. You may even get it, but you won’t have the knowledge and the skills to handle it, let alone understand it. On the other hand, bringing back some of the past life stuff may quicken your spiritual development. This depends on your attitude. You can throw them away and live like you did before. Or, suddenly you may want to grow up to them, to be able to cope with them. They can be a motivation for development, and then it’s great. It’s also good if you can find a clever therapist who helps you to heal a certain trauma with positive affirmations. Any educated and successful one is in material life, spiritually, 99% of the people are like babies and newbies. This is why normally I try to dissuade them from trying to tackle past lives. They’re just not ready. Of course, nobody likes to hear this… In this modern world we want to get everything right now. But the soul is not to be commanded like that, it won’t obey. It needs the time and diligence, it needs regular and humble practice of being loving and kind. It needs the effort to go towards perfection, to let the godly qualities we all have inside shine through. And then, one day, your memories will come back to you naturally.
Is it hard tuning on the events of a certain incarnation?
No, normally not, it depends. It’s mostly about placing my focus there, into a certain moment. Some of the memories can be evoked easily while others are harder to access. Difficulties appear when the ‘searched’ event or moment is emotionally problematic and activate a painful sentiment from that time interval, like shame, anger, helplessness, intense anxiety. And the time factor, the memory’s distance in time is also important. Far things tend to trigger lower emotional reactions, they are shadier, and one can view them more neutrally. This is my general observation, but there are always issues that vary.
Could you show me an example?
Sure. It happened that one of a fairly distant memory caused me hardships when I tried to reveal it. It was actually a memory of being in a prison, waiting to be executed. I couldn’t recall what exactly happened, how I died, though I tried real hard to find it out. Then, during a meditation the solution came to me. When I sat down to meditate next I asked the assistance of the one who murdered me there to show me his memories on the event. I got his permission, and I could see the whole thing through his eyes, perceiving his emotions – it was sweeping anger. I instantly understood why I couldn’t recall it myself: I was barely conscious of what was happening, and it was too gruesome to explain or to remember.
Wow, amazing. Do you feel responsibility in general for your past actions?
Yes. Especially about lives when I was a leader. Leaders and particularly rulers are always accountable for the well-being of their people, in every sense. This is a law. Every teardrop that falls because of your deeds or failures becomes your karmic debt, it returns to you inevitably. And as a leader all your actions are magnified and viewed more critically than that of the average people. One can create very heavy karma while being in a leadership position.
Can you forget? Can you forgive?
I do my best to forgive, but one has to forgive again and again as time goes by. As to forgetting, I don’t wish to forget anything. Re-evaluation of memories is the key to feel better, and not the complete denial of the past. At least, this is how I see it.
What is your relationship like with those you managed to identify?
In general, very close, and loving. I know of a few persons who were my enemies or in a way harmed me, but most of them live far from me. Plus, many of those you harmed or killed can come to be your partners in following incarnations, a wife or a husband, a parent or something else. From my part, I wish a happy life for all of them. You know, we are part of each other, we are part of those who were in contact with us in the past, and there is no use cherishing bad feelings.
What is the absolute consequence? Is there any?
There are a number of consequences that the stories taught me. The major one is that we are immortal beings. The second is that I have to live more consciously, our hours in our bodies are counted. And it does matter how we spend them. Be an honest and caring person, that’s the best. And do your best to correct your mistakes anytime you hurt somebody, willingly or unwillingly. Be more aware of what karma you are actually collecting: positive or negative. This is vital.
Can one take down karma this way, by revealing the past incarnations?
No, but it gives a great boost to improve your karmic situation by elevating consciousness. Ideally, it can lead one to re-evaluate life as it is, so that later he or she can make better choices.
Did these memories change your life?
Absolutely. Knowing that life doesn’t really end when you finish a lifetime will change the very way you look at the world.
Did you become more aware, more compassionate?
No, I think I was compassionate before as well, even without this. But it helped me to value the possibility of life. And realizing that one is a soul is always a game-changer.
What gives you strength in the normal days?
That I know I have a goal, something to live for. As long as I feel this way I will be okay.
Why did you feel you have to share your experiences?
We all have our own karmic issues, and even if they are rather unique there are several common traits. I believe that we can learn a lot from each other. I, for example, read or listen to other people’s stories with great interest. This book is my ‘case study,’ at least I treat the episodes so. They are a huge amount of data and I am working hard so that others may benefit from it too. That’s why I am a member of some healing communities.
Where do you feel your real home is? The place you belong? A particular land?
Oh, I can’t properly tell you. Mainly at the place where my loved ones are living. Most people would answer the same, I guess. I don’t feel that there is a single and easily definable spot on this Earth where I belong. I remember many of my past homes though, and in a way, I feel tied to them, even today.
Did you ever visit them?
No, not yet. Nobody’s missing me in those places, and they have certainly changed a lot. It would be sad to see this, the shadows of old days, happy or unhappy. It would be really upsetting, I guess. It’s hard to realize that something that was so solid and obvious disappears fully. This is incomprehensible, this is transience. You know, the illusory nature of the mortal world.
As to your ex-families, partners and children, do you miss them? Obviously you do.
What would be the best conclusion to share?
In Asia, there is a story tied to Quan Yin, who is known there as the Goddess of Mercy. In the times when a part of China was plundered by its enemies, there lived a man named Chen who deeply honoured Quan Yin, he always had candles and scents at the altar in his home. One day, in his dream, the goddess appeared and warned him: one of the rebels will come to you and will try to kill you. Chen woke up with a start and prayed all night to the goddess. Next night, he dreamt with the goddess again, who told him: “In a previous life, you have killed this rebel, this is why he, unknowingly, wants to kill you now, to even your common karma. Despite of this, I will do everything to help you. The man is called Wang Zhan, from the He Nan province, he has been an orphan since he was a small child and he lives in great poverty, this is why he joined the rebels. Tomorrow he will come here and you shall prepare a magnificent dinner. Think, friendliness changes even the most vicious enemies.” Then the goddess’ shape disappeared. Next day, Chen sent his family to a safer place and stayed home alone to prepare the great dinner. Very soon he caught shouts and cries from outside and a rebel stepped in his house. Chen asked him: “You are Wang Zhan from He Nan province, you’ve been an orphan since you were a small child? I was already waiting for you to have a dinner together.” Wang nodded, and though he was utterly surprised he accepted the invitation. During the dinner, Chen explained his dreams with Quan Yin, and all that the goddess told him. After the dinner Chen stood up and knelt in front of Wang Zhan, and said: “I owe you with a life because in a past life I killed you. Please, kill me now so that I can repay my debt.” But Wang told him to stand up, and added: “My parents died when I was a small child. I joined the rebels in my despair. You are the first person who turns toward me with kindness. I am tired of killing people and plundering. Why would I kill you? See, now you are my friend.” Wang was deeply touched, he said: “I have some money, I would give it to you, you could open a shop from it.” Wang accepted the help gratefully and the two men became good friends for a lifetime. I think this is a great story. You see, the consequence is that we always have the power to switch things to the better, no matter what karma we own. We always have the chance, all we have to do is use it. Reincarnation is hope.